VIDEO: Nottingham Student’s Table Top Tantrum

Nottingham student smashes head through table… for twenty quid.

VIDEO BELOW

In a spectacular showing of intellectual prowess, a student has been videoed smashing his head through a sitting room table.

Surrounded by a number of spectators, a third year Geography and Business student revs himself up for probable injury.

The remains...

The remains…

In a longer video of events, an onlooker is heard saying, ‘Someone’s going to hospital tonight’.

Another tempts him with monetary incentive, ‘Mate, come on, for twenty quid you can do it.’

After a couple of false starts, and a lot of toing and froing, the deed is done. And yes, for at least a little while, he does get well and truly stuck.

However, eventually he emerges looking battered, bruised, but victorious.

after face

Have a look at how it all went down:

He spoke exclusively to The Tab.   Here’s his version of events, straight from the horse’s mouth:

“After an alcohol filled tripped to Gold Teeth the guys arrived back to the house as per without the faintest idea of what was to unfold. The coffee table that we had once cherished and loved was to become but mere scraps in the back yard. My housemate Scott was the first to arouse suspicions of the possibility of a Man vs Furniture showdown.

As with most students, I’m skint, and so the prospect of a crisp £20 note coming into my possession was an offer I couldn’t refuse. The challenge was apparent, ram my head as hard and as fast as possible into the seemingly solid table. Simple.

In my fully inebriated state I completely ignored the cries of desperation that my female counterparts expressed and continued regardless in order to satirise the male bravado that had arisen. In the build up to the attack I expressed my desire to headbutt the table with such lines as ‘My head is a f****** rock’ and ‘I’ll just imagine I am smashing a hole in the floor below.’

Having broken my nose 3 times before this in various rugby matches, I probably should’ve listened but instead after a few ‘psyche up’ inhales and exhales, was ready to destroy this poor table. In one swift movement I was able to penetrate the surface and whilst fully trapped in the table screamed ‘Yes, I did it.’

One of the more difficult and certainly most painful part of the encounter was not the head slam itself but the event which was to follow. Another of my considerate housemates decided it would be funny to flip me over whilst still stuck inside the sharp edges of a wooden table. This hurt. I was completely incapacitated and at one point pondered if this really was the end.

Thankfully another from the crowd flipped me back and after ripping my head out of the table was able to begin the jubilation of winning £20. Grabbing my mates and screaming I sat down as victorious blissfully unaware of the blood streaming from my face and nose. That pretty much concludes my account of the Table Head Smash video.

Unfortunately it wasn’t until the next day that my housemates kind of wanted a new table which ended up costing £15. £5 for smashing my head through a table… not worth it. The reaction I had from my mates… priceless.”

 

  • Law Prick

    It insults my intelligence that such a person is allowed into the same institution as me.

    • Morky Mork and The Funky Bunch

      Bore off you choppa

    • The Woodsman

      How drole. Wait no, your a cunt.

      • You’re at Uni?

        You’re*.

        Jesus they are making the exams easier.

        • Fail.

          Jesus,*

          /sigh

    • What a mug

      I romance with the idea that he’s in fact a trent student

      • Nope

        He’s not

  • Anon

    His ‘housemate’ who flipped him over with his head stuck on the table is an idiot. He could broken his neck/back/anything.

    • Arwen Langham

      The world would have been better off if that had occurred.

  • Anon

    Wait a minute, he’s a rugby player? The SU should surely step in and ban the club from from varsity for this.

  • UON

    How mature – his family must be so proud

  • Strawpedo

    Legal.

  • Chris Finch

    incase you were wondering, yes that is me sharing a slice of watermelon with a voluptuous blonde #finchstrikesagain

  • Jess Bishop’s squirt

    You could have got girls with tits at least half the size of my whoppers. DO YOU EVEN SQUIRT?

  • Rory Reames

    ‘biggest music act ever to grace durham’
    fuck off