Where’s hot and where’s Nott?
Nottingham: a city famed for its gun crime, Robin Hood and eclectic student nightlife.
But, for all the hype about a big night out on the town, are our clubs actually any good?
Do the edgy kids really enjoy the blinding lasers and unrelenting bass of The Lacehouse? Has anyone ever gone to Gatecrasher and not got lost within thirty seconds? And is it truly possible to ignore that Ocean smell?
From the gropey and overcrowded to the dingy and neglected, it’s time for YOU to decide, once and for all, the title of Nottingham’s Worst Night Out.
Damp, dark and exciting for all of ten minutes, if the British Summer was a nightclub, it would most certainly be Market Bar. With an inexplicably long queue and one monotonous house track seemingly on repeat, nights such as DIVE turn out to be about as sociable as the sweaty bloke pressed up against you.
Minor upsides include cool points for attending and plenty of ‘edgy’ clothes to laugh smugly at.
Formerly an ‘official’ UoN club (until some bright spark at the Students’ Union realised that no one ever actually went) Gatecrasher continues to retain countless logistical problems.
With approximately twenty billion stairs and a similar number of rooms, it is physically impossible to not get separated from your friends in Gatecrasher’s labyrinthine passages. Still, at least all that stumbling from top floor to dance floor will burn off the overpriced Jagerbombs.
The conclusion to countless Student Clubber bar crawls, Forum is something of an enigma. Despite seeming to forever maintain a queue that literally stretches around the corner, Forum is never busy inside or any good.
With its bizarre and barely reachable podiums causing more accidents than an untrained puppy, Forum exists in a permanent state of Fresher occupation (all of whom happen to possess the unbridled enthusiasm of an untrained puppy).
If you like snapbacks, not being able to have an audible conversation and a light scheme that is half school-disco chic, half sci-fi laser beam, The Lacehouse is the underground club for you.
With walls sweating more than a dyslexic on Countdown and pupils rounder than a fresher who’s just discovered Domino’s vouchers, The Lacehouse is definitely not the most gregarious venue in Nottingham.
Without doubt Nottingham’s most (in)famous night, you’ll be hard pressed to find a student who has the self-restraint to avoid dipping their toes in the Ocean at least once a year.
However, does Ocean deserve its legendary status? It smells worse than that cheese you left at the back of your fridge for the entirety of second year, the music’s as predictable as the Saturday morning hangover and Baywatch should come with a health warning – with all those shirts flying around, you’ll have to be like a midget at a urinal: on your toes.